Pro wrestling is actually a plot to take over the world.

Okay, follow me on this one. It's a logical progression, or at least it is to me anyway.

A few years ago President George Bush coined the term "the New World Order", in reference to what the future might look like now that the Cold War is history. There has been some question as to what exactly the New World Order would consist of, but tendencies have shown that it includes the elimination of traditional national boundaries, American troops being put under NATO and UN commanders, secret black helicopters spying on us, and all sorts of generally doubleplusungood stuff.

Meanwhile, let's shift our focus to a seemingly innocent enterprise, professional wrestling. It goes without saying that this product is not exactly marketed towards the top percentile of America's intellectual elite; it's the modern day bread and circus. World Championship Wrestling (WCW) introduces something called the New World Order, a group of wrestlers who are supposed to be bad guys and separate from the corrupt capitalist WCW league, but are actually marketed in a way so that the New World Order is to be envied and mimicked by millions of fans worldwide.

It gets better (trust me.) The New World Order is supposed to be this whole new thing, but actually it's just all part of the big picture. Because, you see, the N.W.O. is just part of the WCW, which is all owned by Ted Turner. Ted Turner is the same man who brought us Captain Planet (to hell with capitalism, western ideas of God, etc), gave a billion dollars to the UN, supplies America with its news and entertainment and tells us what to think of our wars, and of course his cardinal sin… marrying Hanoi Jane.

Is it all innocent? Is it too much to say that the king of all media has something devious up his sleeve when he tells us all to love the New World Order?

Consider this: Hulk Hogan announced his candidacy for President of the United States. The event was covered by CNN.